5 Ways I've been succeeding and failing at my own spending challenges

In April, my last post, I wrote about my obscene credit card balance and ways I'd been trying to make that ish GO AWAY.  I had pledged that by July or August I'd have the credit card balance down to or close to $0.

And my result--total fail.

I've gotten it down by a little more than $1k, and mostly it's because I didn't anticipate a few things in my plan.

Plan re-cap:
1. Not shopping anymore.  No clothes. No shoes.
2. Bank account consolidation.  Big guy and I weren't understanding what the other was doing and where money was going to pay for what.  It was confusing and we just didn't handle it.  Now all of our accounts (his, hers, and ours) are at one bank and with only a few weeks of this, it's made everything a lot easier.
3. Tracking spending.  Sounds rudimentary, but to force myself to look at statements, copy down what I spent and where (and the anticipation of having to do this later) is really helpful.
4. When I feel the need to buy something, I've been checking to make sure I don't already have an acceptable alternative.  Especially with clothes that I haven't been able to explore in 5 years, I'm finding that there are things that got shoved to back of the closet that are in great condition and I can wear them again.  It helps that I'm Kon-Marie ing my clothes--if it doesn't bring me joy it goes to someone that will find joy in it.
5. I'm doing my damnedest to use all the leftovers.  For all of us.  I found that even if I'm really good at bringing my lunch, there's one guy in our house that was spending lots of money on lunch ($~50 a week).

Some successes:
1 .Consolidating the bank accounts at one institution is still a thing and has been working well.
2. I've also done okay at tracking my expenses, but I've been referring to my statements more than writing things down (I'm not much of a cash person).

Fails:
1. Not shopping.  Total fail.  Clothes all over the place.
2. Leftovers.  Lots of food waste at our house lately.
3. Take out/ordering in/eating on the fly.

So why the fails?

A bit of an announcement--we're unexpectedly expecting BickerBaby #3.  And since I gave all my larger clothes and maternity clothes away during the spring, I've spent a lot of money buying things that will fit over this large belly.  I've been fortunate that many friends have also been offering their clothes (or my old clothes back), but as we all know, sometimes the things don't fit or aren't your style or aren't existing (T-shirts, I mean you!) when you borrow things from someone else.

Same goes for the Little Lady, in that a lot of her clothes are hand-me-downs, so I've had to fill some gaps for her, too--mainly shorts--and little girls clothes are obscenely expensive.

We also discovered that all of my husband's shorts were literally falling apart, so I bought him a few new pairs and some shirts that didn't have holes/covered his belly. Luckily, Little Man was pretty much all set, but I bought him a new bathing suit (a size too big so he can *hopefully use it again next year, too).

BickerBaby #3 also means I've been dog tired and not feeling well, on top of having the oddest "needs" for certain cuisines.  So meal planning, lunch packing (for me), and creativity with left-overs hasn't been a priority.  Coupled with taking two night classes over the summer, and I'd say we were ordering out for dinner 3 times a week at one point.  The vast majority of spending has gone to take-out/food.

Some good news in all this doldrum:
- I've fallen in with a group of fellow MBA students that is totally keen on book sharing and swapping, so I've saved a few hundred dollars on course materials over the last few months, and will continue to do so in the future.
- My energy and normal appetite have returned, so we've been doing better at cooking/packing/re-using meals.
- I planted a garden, y'all.  And all that awesomeness is finally starting to come to fruition.  Tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant, peppers (bell and hot), as well as a ton of herbs are being brought into the kitchen daily so it's helped to off-set our grocery bills and will continue to do so even into the fall and winter (canning, freezing, fingers crossed for an extended growing season).
- People have been supremely generous with giving us gently used baby items.  We literally gave away ALL items suitable for a child from infancy-18 months old, including car seats, strollers, carriers, clothes, boppies, etc. and friends and friends of friends have really heeded the call for "stuff" (once they stop laughing at our news).  So far, we've been lucky enough to get two convertible car seats and an infant seat, a boppie, some clothes, and a bunch of random doo-dads to help usher this child into his or her first months of life.  I've also been terrible at writing the thank you notes...

So some new goals for the next few months:
- Start packing lunches and snacks again.  At least 3 days a week, better if I can do 4.
- Stop buying clothes.  I should be good for fall with the maternity stuff and both the Little Lady and Little Man should be good to go for fall.  I'm praying that the grandparents are as generous with the call for clothes as presents at Christmas this year as they were last year.  It was really awesome, and they smartly bought clothes in the next size up so I know they'll be good through the fall this year.
- Can, freeze, dry, pickle, etc. all I can from the garden until it stops producing.  I'm hoping to keep the grocery bills as low as possible for as long as possible.
- Use what I have already in the freezer.  I KNOW there are a bunch of sausages, kale, peas, chicken parts, etc. that are buried in the bottom of our freezer that I really just need to inventory and use.  Again, helping to off-set the grocery bill, which when paired with take-out (which will hopefully be eliminated) is by FAR our largest expense after mortgage and daycare. 
and finally...
- I pledge to cut down on my visits to Dunkin' Donuts.  It's only $12 a week I spend there, but that's almost $50 a month that I would be putting toward this debt that I couldn't otherwise.

Wish me luck, and let me know your pointers for staying on track.  I obviously know what I NEED to do, but help me do it! 

Goals Update: Intent is key

On the path to better communication, I've been in search of snippets of wisdom.  This week, one came in the form of a tweet from a man after my heart with his Twitter handle (@recoveringengineer).

Paired with a news spot I heard on NPR on the way into work the same morning, I realized I have been taking my partner, my friends & family, and most likely many of my co-workers for granted when it comes to communication.

Throw in an email chain earlier this week with one of my besties in which we're scheduling an activity to do together on completely different weekends, and I'm going to make a sub-goal #6 on better expressing my curiosity:

I'm going to be more clear in the intent of my curiosity.

Rather than just assuming that those with whom I'm communicating know my goals, I'm going to tell them.  I'm a very process-driven individual, so knowing where we're going before we get in the car is REALLY helpful for me--it'll be interesting to see how this works with others who are less-so.  So here we go:

My intent with this change in communication style is share my ideas in a more succinct and less confusing manner in order to maximize collaboration and good-will while minimizing frustration for all parties concerned.

How do you all communicate effectively? What kinds of "rules" might you have given yourself to become a better communicator?

I'll keep you posted on my progress, so please let me know if this is helping you, too!

Suburbs Bound: I think I like it here...

You guys, I can't believe I'm going to type this, but I think I like it in the suburbs.

I wrote about the things I was already enjoying during our first week in the suburbs a few weeks ago, and I'm continually impressed by new things.

Grampa is enjoying the new yard!

Privacy.   Something I hadn't thought about when moving out of a twin (and previous row homes and apartments over the last 15+ years) into a single family home: it's really, REALLY nice to not share a wall or floor or ceiling with another family.  I don't need to know when the neighbors are up in the morning, or home from work, or having a bad day... I can let my kid tantrum it out without worrying the neighbors will call the family services (it's happened to friends...note the plurality on that one).  I can give my social security number to my husband verbally, and not worry that my neighbor is at the wall attempting to steal my identity.  I can sing in the shower without shielding my face from annoyed neighbors because I finally learned all the words to the chorus of "Shake it off."

I'm really impressed by the amount of nature that comes through our yard.  Part of the reason is our newly discovered pear tree.  No partridge yet, but there are bunnies, lots of birds, squirrels, and I even got to peep a frog in one of the bird baths with Mikey last night.

And did I mention the quiet? The lack of ambient city noise is pretty amazing.  I didn't realize how stressful it is to have noise like that all the time.  No wonder city folk have a reputation as being more gruff and quick to pounce.

Something I don't like:  I feel a bit more uneasy with unleashing the full scope of Kim onto our new neighborhood than I ever have before, but it's mostly because of the sense of permanence this move has brought.  We're in this house in the suburbs for the long haul--20 years or more most likely--and so are our neighbors.  I hate tempering myself, but I also know that most people just seriously can't handle all that is Kim without an easy intro period.  Here's to hoping it's not a long intro...

I did a Whole30, and it wasn't awful

A typical breakfast

During the month of June, I went on my first "diet".  For me, it wasn't about losing weight, getting skinny, etc., though those are nice side effects.  Since my Little Lady joined the family, I've just been eating terribly and been feeling pretty strung out.

"But you've got a 10-month old baby!" is what a lot people have said.

But that doesn't mean I should be sustaining myself on caffeine and sugar just to get through the day, I say.  I needed to make a change, just didn't know what it should be.  Luckily, I had two friends who were feeling the same way, and we made a pact to support each other in our quest to just start eating better.  Problem was, we didn't really have a plan on how to eat better yet.

Just after Memorial Day, I read about this thing called the Whole30 on some blog or other.  It seemed trendy (it's all over the interwebs right now) so I was automatically turned off by it.  But, I googled it, checked out their website, and after numerous conversations with a friend who eats in the style of paleo but drinks beer and doesn't completely hate life, I called my ladies and said, "this ish is on!"

The nice thing about June for me was that this is a 30 day program, June has 30 days, and June began on a Monday.  Plus, since we were moving, we weren't traveling to see any family and friends so we'd be home to make dinners and lunches and not relying on take out or road food.

Fish Tacos with Mango Jalapeno Salsa
and Lettuce Wraps

The simple explanation of this way of eating--just eat meat and veggies.  No grains, no dairy, no sweeteners, no beans (including peanuts).

Things learned (or re-affirmed):
-Eggs are pretty much amazing on anything.  Seriously.  On sauteed kale for breakfast, on salads, on burgers, on sausage and greens, whatever.  And poached eggs--holy crap.  Amazing.
-That super full feeling that I relied on to tell me I was done eating isn't necessary.  It was bloat, not being full.  And it was from far too much bread and pasta.
-Having someone to vent to/celebrate with when doing something different like this is key.  I'm not sure if I would have been as successful if I didn't have my two friends doing it with me, sharing our frustrations, fun food finds to keep us "Whole30 compliant", and texting skinny pics back and forth.  Plus, having a really deep bench of supportive co-workers made lunchtime a lot easier.
-I eat pretty well already.  Aside from relying too heavily on grain-based foods to round out my meals before this, I was already making most of my food from scratch, and eating a ton of nuts and fruits and veggies.  Just needed to add some more of that...
-I love butter.  This restricts dairy, but allows clarified butters and ghee.  I have to admit though, butter without its dairy solids is just not as amazing.  Plus, I think I wasted a lot of butter parts, clarifying that ish.



The results?

Work version of breakfast.

- I lost 6 pounds during the month of June (and I had pizza and beer the day we moved on the 24th, so according to the Whole30, I didn't actually do a Whole30).  I've lost another two in the last 10 days by mostly sticking with the plan.
- I'm fitting into clothes I just started fitting back into when I got pregnant with #2 and hadn't really worn since before I got pregnant with #1 4+ years ago.  I'm also not fitting into a lot of things, since they're too big.
- My energy level is MUCH more consistent during the day now that I'm not having bread (read bagels, croissants) for breakfast and eating eggs on greens most days.
- I've stopped using moisturizer.  I think because I'm eating more fats and oils, my skin is as dry as it was.  And it's just as clear if not clearer as before.
- My teeth are whiter.  I had some staining kind of in between some of the teeth, and that's pretty much gone away.
- I've lost the hanger.  Amazing, I know.  After a hard first week on my body (and my mind) adjusting to life without all that sugar, and figuring out how much and when to eat, I'm not having those energy crashes that result in pure, unadulterated, ravenously, angry hunger acts.
- My husband has lost weight.  He wasn't completely on board with the plan ("I'll eat what gets put in front of me."), but I've noticed his belly is smaller and his pants are looser on him.

We're continuing this lack of grains in our daily lives, but I must say, I'm glad to be able to drink beer again.

I'm curious to hear about how others have found ways to eat a bit healthier.  Let me know 

On a roll!: June Goals Update

Even though we moved this month, I was still able to accomplish quite a bit.   Here's how I did:

1. Sew one garment a month: Nothing.  But I now have a sewing room which I'm in the process of setting up, and I impulse purchased some new patterns...

2. Post an article a month: 3!
3. Run at least 2 5K races: After last month's update, I signed up for my fall 5K.  Thanks, Amanda!  
4. Exercise 3 times a week: I have been doing a great job at getting in my 10K steps every day, and actually was the "top stepper" according to my FitBit circle one week (I used to come in around 5 every week).  Kind of a lame accomplishment, but one I'm super proud of nonetheless.
5. Have one date with my husband a month: Lots of mini dates to celebrate the selling and buying of houses.  A beer at Union Jack's, fancy coffee in Chestnut Hill, dinner in Keswick Village with the kids...
6. Become better at expressing my curiosity: To my knowledge, I haven't pissed anyone off, so I'm counting that as progress.
7. Read 10 books: I finished two books this month!  I'm onto my next one, which will probably not get finished in July (it's on Watergate and has a LOT of facts and doings to keep straight to read it too quickly).  4 down, 6 to go and 6 months to do it in.  I think I can do this!

10 Things I Like About the Suburbs So Far

It's been a week since I took my city self and put her into the 'burbs.  And, I must say (albeit begrudgingly), I'm really freaking liking it so far!

Here's a list of 10 things I've found to be really awesome so far:
1. Neighbors.  So far, the ones we've met are awesome.  They brought us wine, they invited us to a party, and they've offered to help with all sorts of things like babysitting and breaking down boxes.

This showed up during a downpour
with a party invitation

2. Joe's Market.  I can walk 3 blocks to this awesome little cash-only grocery store and (a real, actual, honest-to-Jeebus) butcher.  And it's awesome stuff.  And that awesome stuff is reasonably priced.
3. Trains.  I'm a 15 minute walk from two train stations (20 minutes walk to a third).  And they're on 2 different train lines, so I get a lot of bang for that buck.
4. Union Jack's.  Again, a 15 minute walk to a really awesome pub, with a great beer selection (on tap and in bottles) and some legendary wings (which we've yet to try). Oh, and they started taking credit cards the week before we moved in, so that's pretty good timing on our behalf.
5. It's quiet.  At first, both me and the Big Guy thought the quiet would freak us out, but the quiet is good.  And teenagers running each other over with their bikes in the street in front of my house is way better than the constant sirens, helicopters, crazy folk, and poor neglected barking pit bull from the old place.
6. Grocery stores. They're cleaner, quieter, cheaper, and now closer. Even the Peapod delivery guy gave us a gift (and asked if he could offer a lollipop to Little Man).
7. People are NICE! The township administrators are actually helpful, courteous, and answered even more than my actual questions.  I called asking about trash, and ended up being told about a township welcome packet, and got signed up to receive it!
8. I have a driveway.  Never thought this would matter to me, but it's really nice have a place to park my car without worrying about it.
9. The commute.  Since I can take the train (when Mark takes the kids to school or eventually when the daycare near our house has a spot for the little gal), my commute is 30 minutes.  And that includes the walking to the stations part, which I love!  I can't wait until I'm taking the train every day, and not fighting for parking, or dodging crack heads as I drive past Temple Hospital.
10. Books.  Not sure why exactly, but I've been reading a lot more in the past week.  I actually finished two since we've moved in.  Fios isn't hooked up yet, but I don't even want to watch movies or anything.  I just want to sit and enjoy the quiet (see #5), and read a book...

Our first dinner out as official residents of the suburbs.

Okay suburbs, you're winning the race here, and it's only been a week.  I think we're going to like it here.

#SuburbsBound: Packing and moving

This week makes our journey to the suburbs official--Wednesday I pay some (probably) burly men to move all our family's possessions from our Victorian twin in Philadelphia to a stately Colonial Revival in the suburbs.  And hopefully nothing gets broken...

Over the weekend, we finished packing everything up.  The kitchen, the basement, the bedrooms...

I thought I would be most struck with nostalgia while packing up the kids' rooms--the blankets, tiny clothes, toys, and gifts from loved ones all getting stuffed away.  But I actually felt empowered packing their things away, remembering that we're moving so that they will grow up in a better way than what we could offer them while still within the city's borders.  They'll grow up with clean streets, a playground without drunks hanging out on benches, and a night sky (mostly) devoid of police helicopters and the inbound air traffic for Philadelphia International.

So after my freak outs last week about being a sell-out and becoming a soccer mom, I had a therapy session by means of cathartic box packing, and I am--dare I type it!?--looking forward to moving to the suburbs.

Look out, Glenside, the Bickertons are officially #SuburbsBound!

I'm on Pinterest!

When we had Little Man, we knew we were on a 5-year countdown to the suburbs.  Once Little Lady arrived, a fire was lit, and we got really busy looking for a place.  After more than 6 months of serious searching, hard-core cleaning, and a few months of storage unit rentals, I am happy to announce that our Philadelphia house will be sold in late June and that our future home in the suburbs will likely be ours a week before that.

Now comes the fun part of figuring out how to decorate the new place!

I've finally joined the rest of the world (and even my mother!) on Pinterest to help me organize and keep track of the furnishings and ideas that I'm interested in pursuing.  It's organized by room, and I'm just starting to accumulate ideas so it's a little sparse at the moment.

Frankly, I can't believe I didn't do this before!  All of the awesome sewing inspirations I've come across totally should have gotten their own pins to a board of mine YEARS ago.  Then I'd be able to remember them!

Let me know if you have any great ways of using Pinterest.  I'm new to this, and I'd love to hear any ideas or tips!

It takes a village, but I'm the mayor...

It occurs to me that everyone has a parenting philosophy--even those without children.  And that's fine, but please remember this one thing:

Mom is always the mayor of village in which her children reside.

This doesn't mean that Dad isn't Deputy Mayor, taking over the reigns on a very frequent basis to cover important issues that Mayor isn't able to handle.  Personally, I'm so glad that he does! 

But that peanut gallery has just got to pipe down.

There are a few reasons for this:
1. It's really just rude.
2. You're confusing my kids.
3. Your interventions are likely counterproductive to what we're trying to achieve as parents.
4. Kids are smart and know how to achieve their goals (and get around Mom and Dad if they can).


I'm very grateful for the support we get from family and friends, and frankly I don't think that we would be successful parents without it.  But support means backing us up, and not making rumblings under your breath or flat out disagreeing with me in front of my child.

I know I'm not the only one out there with this gripe.  How do you deal with the peanut gallery?